even our love letters were arguments
October 31, 2010
a day later and i’ve moved from a happiness to the same dark spot. he knows the critical criticism.
a day later and i’m brighter than ever because we were in a dark spot but scrambled out.
i want to remember this victory. this is the hardest I’ve worked so far. in retrospect, my past relationships have been a fun game or a listless drifting prone to detachment and the occasional act of resentment. i guess the primary question is if this work load is an indication of a good thing or an indication of hopelessness. our honeymoon period was all of two seconds and based entirely on my oblivious smile.
i met his parents yesterday. his farther, bernard, i loved very much. he is french and emphatic and closes his eyes when he is talking and thinking hard at the same time. he told me in confidence that matt, like he, is very sensitive. i can answer my question from above using the love story matt grew up with. matt’s mother dumped bernard multiple times — but he was persistent. conflict is a story — peace is the pause between the words. in comparison to matt, the past seems like a row of strangers. but matt seems like the only one armed. i’m so happy we collided, tangled. i’m so sad that things aren’t perfect and easy with this person.
